


Deans Goodbye

by Sammiwayward



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Season/Series 13 Speculation, Season/Series 14 Speculation, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 22:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15694884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammiwayward/pseuds/Sammiwayward
Summary: This is something I like to think may have happened in that mystery scene before Dean was possessed by Michael. Essentially his goodbye to Cas.This could easily be a stand alone but It is all angst so I plan to add more chapters to follow this up, speculation and my dream rescue and reunion of DeanCas and I want it to be the fluffiest ending in history. But we might have a lot of angst before that, especially if Michael has any contact with Cas while in deans body.I would love any input on weather or not you would rather see more of this particular story or if it’s good on its own.I just know that supernatural passes up too many great opportunities for Deancas so I’ll just do it my damn self. I really hope y’all like it. (I may have cried a little while writing it)





	Deans Goodbye

Chapter 1

Cas sat alone in the map room. Again. He had failed. He had failed Dean. He had failed himself, again.  
When he first rebelled and came to earth, he didn’t know how to feel yet. He knew he felt more than any other angel, he felt enough to give up everything for one man.  
But now, all these years later, he really FELT it.  
He FELT the absolute agony of it.  
He had lost Dean so many times. Every time he felt it more and more.  
Every time he became more human.  
This time what he felt was emptiness. In the pit of his stomach, and it hurt.  
Dean wasn’t murdered or taken, Dean chose this. He knew he couldn’t trust Michael and he did it anyway. The one thing Cas had given up everything to try and stop... after all this time, all they had been through together. Dean had still left him.  
Angels don’t get sick. But he felt that too somehow. He had never truly cried much during his time on earth, but this was different..  
Real tears made their way over the crest of his eyes and down his cheeks. It was a strange sensation, he couldn’t get used to it. He wasn’t even sure what to do with them. So he just let them fall.  
He hung his head in his hands and let the gut wrenching pain take over as his shoulders shook with heavy sobs.  
Dean had been lost before; killed, turned into a demon, separated from him in purgatory. He was no stranger to the pain that came with being apart from Dean.  
But after so long, how much of that kind of pain could someone take? All he ever wanted was to be near Dean. To keep him safe. To see him happy. Why was that so much to ask for? Why was that so wrong for him to want?  
He knew chuck was long gone, but he still prayed under his breath, because what else could he do?  
His mind circled back to the moment Lucifer disappeared with Sam and Jack..... 

——————————-

Dean had his back to Cas when Michael had said solemnly, through the coughs and rasps of his dying vessel; “this is the end.. of everything.”  
“No.....” Dean started almost under his breath. “No.... what if.... “he stammered out “what if you had your sword?...” he hated himself but what choice did he have?  
Cas’s head snapped up, eyes widened in disbelief. No, no he couldn’t. Cas could hardly process the words coming out of Deans mouth.  
“Dean no!”  
Dean spun to face his angel, his best friend.. to see his face horror stricken... broken. Cas wasn’t going to make this easy. Couldn’t he see this was the only way? He looked at Cas with tears in his eyes, a mix of desperation, fear and regret, all conveyed through those perfect green eyes Cas had loved from the moment he found him in hell.  
Cas’s stomach bottomed out and he felt like some outside force was constricting his lungs, rendering it almost impossible to breathe.  
Dean looked as though he was begging Cas for an another way. Cas didn’t have one but he didn’t honestly care. He couldn’t let Dean do this.  
“Dean you can’t!” Cas attempted to say it with some kind of authority but it came out hoarse and begging.  
“There’s no other way Cas! Lucifer has Sam and Jack, and next, the whole god damn world to destroy! We don’t have time!!” They could hear Michael groaning from where he half stood, coughing up blood, his vessel was quickly dying out.  
“I don’t know what else to do!” He shouted, then His voice quieted and he’s eyes welled up so a tear made it way down his face. “.....I don’t know what to do Cas..” almost a whisper, his voice catching on Cas’s name.  
He looked so defeated, helpless.... terrified. Cas was not accustomed to seeing Dean look this way. Ever. It shook him down in his core.  
Cas seemed to make a sudden decision in his mind and closed the distance between them, taking deans face in both of his hands.. he even surprised himself but he was desperate. A few more tears had made their way down Deans face, and He looked at Cas, first in shock, then his eyes softened at the sight of him, he was startled at the sudden touch but also... it felt amost... normal. Cas holding his gaze, trying to reason with him.. almost familiar.  
“Dean please.... I can’t lose you again. I won’t.” His own eyes had begun to well with tears and for a minute he couldn’t understand why his vision was blurred. Had he ever actually cried before? 

Dean stilled and his hand came up to softly return the tender gesture, at this moment he didn’t really give a damn about chick flick moments or worrying about who was looking or who thought what, none of that mattered now.  
His thumb gently grazed Castiels cheek, wiping a stray tear.  
It occurred to Dean he had never seen the angel cry.  
He looked at Cas, really looked at him, Cas hadn’t been this close to him in a long time, not since he had gotten better with Deans requests of “personal space”.  
He wanted to take him in..... he didn’t know when or if he would ever have this chance again. His crystal blue eyes, glazed over with tears, his tussled dark hair, his tie, forever crooked and backwards.... his soft pale pink lips... which were beginning to tremble now, holding back more tears.  
Dean instantly regretted the years of pushing Cas away, scolding him for being too close or watching over him while he slept... of taking his best friend for granted.... he didn’t see what was standing right in front of him.  
He didn’t have time to worry about what it meant or what the fallout would be, there was no time for that, all he knew was that he had never wanted to kiss anyone so badly in his entire life.  
His hand slid from Cas’s cheek to the side of his neck, gently pulling him a little closer, Cas’s brows forrowed but just for a moment then he realized what Dean was doing...  
Dean leaned into Cas, softly, and so slowly, finally pressing his lips against Cas’s. His breath hitched in his throat, he didn’t think about the fact that Cas’s vessel was a “man” or that he was or “wasn’t gay”... how stupid and far away that all seemed now. All that he could think was how soft Cas’s lips felt on his.  
Cas’s surprise subsided and he dissolved into Deans kiss. They moved together like that for a minute, Dean deepening the kiss, trembling at the feeling... at the realization.. and finally .... finally understanding why his gaze had constantly traveled to Cas’s lips, all these years. They were plump and soft, and god, they tasted good. They felt as though they were made to kiss Dean and only Dean. Forever.  
It was intoxicating. It was life giving. It was just... Cas.  
Dean forced himself to break the connection, he noted it as one of the hardest things he had ever done, breathing heavily, resting his forehead on Cas’s. He didn’t know how he had just done what he did or what it meant but for what he was about to do.... he didn’t regret it for a second.  
With his hand still resting in Cas’s neck, he leaned in and whispered, voice shaking, in Cas’s ear.... “please Cas..... please forgive me...”  
fresh tears began to gather in his eyes as he roughly pushed Cas away, throwing him off long enough to turn to Michael; “yes.” Was all he had to say.  
It happened so fast  
“DEAN! NO!!!” Cas screamed, but it was too late.... a flash of bright white light and then Michael and Dean were gone.


End file.
